Relinquishing Control

After conceding that I continue to be a fall risk, even more so after receiving devastating news about a close family member, I took tangible steps this week to rescue myself. I am taking a break from work to catch my breath and heal. It wasn’t an easy decision for a perfectionist, but it was necessary to recover from burnout from being a nurturer.

The beauty of experiencing a difficult season in life is that you learn what you can and cannot control. While I do not suffer from addiction and am not particularly religious, I have found myself thinking on and off about the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

—Reinhold Niebuhr

Although a lot has been thrown in front of me this year, I am learning to focus on what I can control. I can’t control other’s actions. I can’t solve their problems or cure what is ailing them. While, I can’t control my feelings, I am human after all, I can control how I react to them and how I support myself in response.

Limiting my focus to actions only I can control is incredibly empowering. In rescuing others and leaning in, I’ve left myself depleted. This month’s difficult news left me with a completely empty tank. So, I am taking the necessary steps to rescue myself.

Instead of wasting energy on what I can’t control, I am choosing to:

• Identify my feelings and use them to determine what I need in the moment.

• Take a break when I am feeling overwhelmed so I can catch my breath.

• Conserve my energy for fixing my own issues, which will empower others to rescue themselves.

• Engage in activities that soothe my anxieties and comfort me when I am sad (e.g., listening to music, moving my body by walking/running/dancing, and reading or listening to a book).

• Ask for help when my efforts to self-soothe are unsuccessful.

• Identify who is safe to support me when I need it.

• Set boundaries around people and activities that create discomfort.

By reserving my energy for myself, I am ensuring I am resourced to manage the curveballs that are sure to come in the future. I am also teaching my daughters it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s not necessary to keep doing all the things. They can drop some balls when their arms grow weary from carrying them. Most importantly, I am teaching them the awareness to recognize what they can’t control and the courage to take action when life becomes too heavy to bear.