I'm a Fall Risk
Reposting my July 31 Facebook Post to my Substack in honor of Suicide Prevention Month.
Just when I thought I was approaching the end of my recovery to wellness, a recent flood of emotions forced me to recognize that I am still very much a “fall risk”. The dreaded school year begins on the 19th, and the fear of what it may bring for my daughter has been crippling. Although she is doing amazingly well, she will be at a new school (middle school!). You see, the first day of school marked the beginning of her struggles last year.
Enter Nicole Lapin’s Becoming Super Woman. I discovered Becoming Super Woman just before I left the firm to go in house. It was an eye opening 12-step program to help women recover from burnout. I’ve struggled with burnout off and on throughout my career thanks to my tendency to lean in and over-function. I bought this book on a whim at the height of work-related burnout. I was desperate to find whatever resource available that had the potential to be my magic cure.
Five years later, almost to the day, and it is still my North Star. I love how honest and raw Lapin’s mental breakdown story is. Despite being a bad ass success story in her 20s, she shares how she found herself in the psych ward after neglecting her self care. She held onto her hospital “fall risk” bracelet as a reminder to put herself first.
Her story resonates more than any book I’ve read on the topic. Believe me, I’ve read plenty. I picked it up and worked through its exercises to fuel me in the Spring as I supported Cameron through her struggles. Although I finished it in April, I recognized this week that I’m not quite out of the woods. I forgot to “lean the fuck out.”
I was drawn to it like a magnet after a rough night last night, desperate to revisit her story and witty guidance so I can once again map out my emergency response plan. At the top of the list is Step 5: Boundaries, Bitch. Corporate lawyering and mothering are not always the best combination.
Lapin’s fall risk story is so powerful, that it inspired me to share mine in case if anyone else is cycling through the ups and downs of life. Each of us have the potential to be a fall risk. Some of us, more than once as Lapin bravely confesses in her epilogue. The key is what will you do to pick yourself up and learn from it. I may have fallen, but I am back on my 12-step recovery program.