How are you doing?
A reposting from Facebook in honor of Suicide Prevention Month
How are you doing?
Me? Not well. Despite my best efforts to promote the importance of self care at home, my daughter attempted suicide in January. I lost a close family member to suicide when I was a kid so this was not only the unimaginable, it was also sadly familiar. I thought we were doing everything right. Our kids are in therapy. I built them a meditation nook. I taught them to journal. We tried to create a safe space to open and share. We’ve practiced box breathing and using the five senses to calm their nervous system. I’ve shared with them all the things I’ve learned through my own personal development journey. She is doing better and is receiving intensive therapy to help her on her path to healing but it is an uphill battle.
Around the time of her suicide attempt, I was saddened to see just how common her story is in a post-Covid world. An innocent tweet from Elmo elicited a number of comments highlighting the prevalence of anxiety and depression today. His tweet and the responses he received have haunted me ever since.
I dealt with a number of pressures in 2023. I took on a new legal practice area, supported my parents through health scares, sought healing from burnout and workplace trauma, battled fear around a loved one’s illness, and fumbled my way through finding answers to my own health challenges. Needless to say, 2024 has been even worse. Right out the gate it kicked my ass and the hits just keep on coming. It’s a lot and life keeps lifing with no end in sight. So, I’ve pulled out my toolkit. I’m sitting in my sadness. Billie Holiday’s Good Morning Heartache has been on rotation and now thanks to Queen Bey, so is Protector. I’m walking (recovering from surgery so that’s all I have in me), journaling, meditating, doing weekly therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, working with a health coach, and working with a wellness-minded career coach to help me balance work and life.
Still, I’m not well. Although I’ve been retreating from friends and family, I finally found the courage today to reach out and ask for help. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming (in a good way). Asking for help is not something I know how to do. I’m petrified of doing it. Not because it shows weakness, but because I don’t want to be a burden. I thought I needed to be strong and put in the work to support myself. It was easy to reach out to our family and friends after my daughter’s attempt because we needed the love and support of our community to pull her through. Honestly, I don’t even know what I need for myself! (Truly, I googled “how to identify your needs.”) Now that she is more stable and out of the immediate danger zone, I’m realizing I need help too.
I suspect I’m not alone. I’m sharing my story in case if someone else is not ok. I plan to speak more on mental wellness and self care to do what I can to help others. Please don’t suffer in silence. Check in with yourself regularly and ask how are you doing? If you are like me or the many people who responded to Elmo, ask for help. It can be a friend, family, your employer’s assistance program, or even the suicide hotline (988).